Segways - Prague Diaries

I've come to the conclusion that, those Segway things, are not machines at all, but are actually living, breathing sentient beings.  And what's more they are the most randy thing known to man; the little fuckers are breeding like rabbits. When I left Prague just a short six months ago, I would say there was a healthy Segway population but now the city it overrun with self-balancing devices of all different shapes and sizes. They say in London you are never more than three foot from a rat, well in Prague it is the two wheel rats that are omnipresent.

When they were first introduced into the city, they were timid creatures. Only coming out occasionally and often hiding in side-streets or down by the river. But their increased numbers have made them bolder, they now rule the roost, venturing into the centre with a confident strut consigning those on foot to the edges of the sidewalks.

Mostly seen in packs with a skilled leader at the front, the beasts pay no heed to the terrified pedestrians with whom they share the pavements. They swoosh within millimetres of the unsuspecting human population, only swerving out of the way at the last moment. Pedestrians must keep a look out for them at all times and if they spot one are advised not to approach it or cross its path.

 If you wish to view the Segway in the city, I suggest going to the bottom end of Wenceslas square. This seems to be their feeding ground where the leaders gather to plan and plot and presumably breed.
It is time that Prague city council acted to stop the plague from getting worse before pedestrians are forced into the road or worse underground. There are many options available. Of course Segway clubbing was outlawed in 2014 after the Greenpeace protests, but it is still legal to kill Segways providing you have a license. Large scale trapping and gassing might be one answer, although this is often considered as inhumane. Hunting with dogs is also an option but many people see this more as a sport rather than a measure to control population. My own personal preference is sniper. Carefully positioned gunmen detailed to take out the leaders would surely be the most humane way of dealing with this issue. Once the leaders are gone the other Segways would disperse and the streets of Prague would be safe for pedestrians again.