Friday, 17 March 2017

Poetry Friday 37

Poetry Friday 37.
Just two this week and both very much works in progress. 
For audio click here

The Canal
A dead rat lies on the canal bed
in between the car battery
and someone’s CD collection.
A duck dives beneath the surface.
A bottle of shampoo slowly
leaks into the water
giving the duck shine and a silky sheen. 
A nappy, a toaster, a two-litre
plastic bottle, a 50p coin,
a pizza box, a wig. 
Young lily pads poke through
these remains of life.

The rollercoaster
a rollercoaster ride
to the end of the world.
With all of humanity on board
their arms in the air,
screaming with fear, joy, fascination.
Loop the loop, switchback, drop.
Climbing, climbing.
until the tipping point.
Then freefall
into oblivion.

So what do you think? Hopefully there will be more poetry next Friday from Vietnam.


  1. I like the fact that the two poems use vivid descriptions of places/situations – I almost see them as photos or paintings, and I also like the fact that they contain great juxtaposition of images/ideas. You are describing the dirty plastic rubbish in the river and then suddenly you notice the beauty. You don’t have to explain anything to the reader – it is just the images that speak powerfully. Really like it (maybe also because I really think that if you look well, you’ll find beauty everywhere). The other poem uses contrast as well, and although the message resonates with me (i.e. no matter how vivid, full of life, intense something is it may end, just come to nothing, and I think it is not only true for humanity, but for individual human relationships too), I don’t like the tone, which for me sounds a bit moralizing. I always prefer understatements and leaving interpretation to the reader, I don’t like it when something is too obvious. But I am writing this comment not to criticize this poem – because I quite like it – but because you asked about what to do to improve it. And finally, the two poems stand in contrast to each other: in the first one the juxtaposition leaves you with hope, in the second one with hopelessness. So they form a perfect couple. There must be balance in life:-)
    BTW, have you seen this:

    1. Very interesting comments thank you. And thanks for the link.

    2. You are welcome. I saw this link on twitter in the morning.

      And a bit of poetry is a good thing in the morning, especially when somebody reads it you.

  2. I vote for Fox from Hounds or The walking stick for the shortstory competition.