The New Wife

There’s always something exciting about getting a red square on Facebook. It’s the modern day version of letters falling through the letterbox on your doormat. A square above the world is good, above the letter is better but outstripping them all is the red square by the two people that signalled a new friend request. Is there anything better than a new friend? Billy was always chuffed to see a new friend request. He clicked on it eagerly, hoping it was one of the girls from last night. But it wasn’t Louise or Sammy. In fact he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw who it was.

It was his dad! His 60-year-old dad, who had previously shown no interest in computers or smart phones or tablets let alone social networks, was suddenly popping up sending friend requests. Billy’s mum had been on for a couple of years but Facebook was the last place he ever thought he’d see his dad. Of course Billy clicked on accept and quickly sent a message.

‘Hi Dad, didn’t think I’d see you on here. Are you friends with Mum?’

With that Billy shut off his phone, got off the bus and got on with his day.

It was a couple of hours later that Billy got back on Facebook, he scrolled down his wall checking on Dave’s dinner and Lisa’s latest drunken snaps, he toyed with leaving a comment but decided against it. It was the post under Lisa’s photos that gave Billy the shock of his life.

A photo of his father with a very attractive young woman draped over him and the message that made the shock of seeing his dad on Facebook in the first place seem like a humdrum, run of the mill Tuesday afternoon.

‘Happy to announce me and Svetlana are getting married very soon.’

Billy read it and reread it. He illogically wanted to turn his computer upside down to check it was real. He blinked and blinked again to see if the message would disappear but it didn’t.

It’d only been a week since Billy had been at his mum and dad’s and there had been no word of separation, divorce, or Russian brides.

‘Aha!’ Billy had a realisation, this was his brother’s work. The little pipsqueak had set all this up and for a few moments he’d fallen for it.

He searched his brother’s number and gave him a call.

‘Very funny, Jake. Very clever.’

‘What you talking about Billy?’

‘You know very well, you had me for a minute.’

‘Billy what are you talking about?’

It was then Billy realised his brother was not the architect of the joke and maybe this wasn’t a joke. The brothers talked about it for a few minutes mostly deciding who was going to phone dad. Billy as the older one was given the job.

‘Dad? Really?’

‘Hi Billy, so you ‘ve seen the Facebook thingy then?’

Billy listened to his dad’s voice, it sounded genuine.

‘You think Facebook is the right way to tell us? I hope you’ve told mum to her face.’

‘I thought it was the best way to communicate with you youngsters.’

Billy heard it, it wasn’t his dad who gave it away, it was his mum, the smallest squeak, the smallest snigger.

‘You bastards.’ Billy said trigging howls of laughter from the other end. ‘You bastards’ Billy said again before ending the call and calling back his brother.