Did Paul Simon get bored and give up? - A Steve Rant

‘This song doesn’t make any sense you know.’ Steve pointed his finger in the air at the music being piped into the bar.

Johnny sighed, a sentence like that could only mean one thing, Steve was going off on one and nothing was going to stop him.

‘Why not?’ said Johnny with the tone of a man resigned to his fate.

‘Well actually,’ Steve paused choosing his words carefully, ‘it does make sense, it just doesn’t do what it claims to. It’s a let down.’

‘Go on.’

‘Well it makes a grandiose claim and then fails to live up to it, 50 ways to leave your lover it says but then listen, he only actually comes up with 4 and even they are pretty lame. I mean, hop on the bus Gus? That’s rubbish, what if the lover is on the bus? It’s like Paul Simon started writing the song and then just got bored and gave up.’

Steve timed his speech perfectly and pointed his finger in the air again as Paul Simon sang the chorus. Johnny listened and nodded.

‘Isn’t it 6?’ Johnny asked listening to the song. there’s six lines in the chorus.

‘No, the lazy bastard can’t even get to six, no need to be coy Roy and don’t need to discuss much cannot be claimed in any way to be ways to leave your lover, they are just bits of advice when you do it. Come to think of it make a new plan Stan isn’t one either so we’re down to three.’ Steve took a swig of beer. ‘Christ I could do better,  Send her a text, Rex, Do it by phone Joan, tell it to her friend Ken, do a midnight flit, Mitt. There’s that’s four already.’

‘Yeah yeah I get your point, another beer?’ Steve nodded and Johnny headed towards the bar trying desperately to think of more ways to leave your lover. Tell her to her face, Jase, he thought just as the barman asked him for his order.


Can we get to fifty ways? Remember any 'way' needs to rhyme with a name. Leave your 'ways to leave a lover' in the comments below.