Nationwide - A Steve rant

For audio click here 
To see what Steve is on about click here or here for outside the UK see below.

‘Have you seen,’ Steve said and Johnny braced himself, he knew what was coming, ‘that Nationwide advert?’ Steve continued.

‘The one with the scarf?’ Johnny asked.

‘The one with the scarf.’ Steve confirmed.

‘So bloody twee,’ Johnny said, hoping to cut Steve off at the pass.

‘It is twee but…’

When Johnny realised this wasn’t going to be about the cutesiness of the advert, he tried another tack.  ‘Don’t tell me you cried?’ As usual Johnny was the only one laughing at his joke.

‘No I didn’t bloody cry, I just don’t get it.’ Steve said.

‘What’s not to get?’ Johnny said. ‘Man leaves scarf with sentimental value on bus, Nationwide employee finds it, starts a Twitter campaign, Man’s wife sees campaign, Man reunited with scarf, and it shows how wonderful Nationwide is.’ Johnny couldn’t see a problem but he knew his mate could pick holes in a fishing net.

‘What would you do if you found a scarf on the bus?’ The question was rhetorical; Steve wasn’t going to give Johnny any time for his sarcasm. ‘You’d hand it in to the driver who would hand it to lost property, wouldn’t you?’ Johnny nodded, that is exactly what he would do. ‘But this woman starts a bloody Twitter campaign.’ Steve said. She’s doing all that while the man is phoning the bus company to see if anyone has handed in a scarf. What are the chances, outside of advert land, of a Twitter campaign actually working? It relies on too many variables; a Facebook campaign might be better but still handing it to the driver was probably the best idea. This just tells me that Nationwide will do things in the most convoluted way possible. Why would I want to use a bank that gets from A to B via D and K?’

Johnny nodded, as ever however tortuous, Steve had a point.

‘And don’t get me wrong about how bloody middle class the whole thing is either,’ Steve said. Johnny pulled his what the hell are you on about face? that he’d pulled at Steve so many times before.

‘Well I hope I don’t upset any Trawlermen here,’ Steve lent in conspiratorially.

Johnny looked around the extremely middle class pub they were sitting in.

‘I think you’re safe,’ he said.

‘Well as you said the advert is twee, I’m not sure there are many trawlermen who live in such a quaint little world. Most of the ones I’ve come across are hard drinking, foul-mouthed, hard men, with a haunted look in their eye that only risking your life every time you set sail can give you.’

‘And how many Trawlermen do you know?’ Johnny asked but he didn’t wait for an answer, instead he collected their empty glasses and made his way to the bar.

And here is the Advert