The Rose Bush

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Kev sauntered along the path, enjoying the mixture of sunshine and breeze on his face. To a casual observer, he looked like a man out for a stroll, but Kev was at work. His eyes darted from window to window, door to door looking for opportunities. He only needed a crack, a slim sliver that he could snake through. Then a second to snaffle a laptop, an iPad or a phone, maybe if he struck lucky, there’d be a full house and he’d get all three. He thought of his old dad, how tough it was for him trying to run down the street with those chunky video records under his arm, no wonder he had a bad back. There were no safety videos, how to lift for thieves. So much easier in this digital age.

Ground floor flat, windows open. A yawning invitation. The only problem was the rose bush directly outside the window but that could be negotiated. He bounced up the steps, and peered into the windows. It was like an Aladdin’s cave, a Mac, an iPad and not one but two iPhones and not a soul to be seen.

            “Happy Christmas,” Kev said. He held a branch carefully to one side and hopped through the window. He stuffed the laptop into his rucksack, the phones in his pocket and the iPad in his hand. Then, the toilet flushed. he looked around to see if there was anything else to grab. Decided it was best to make a break for it. Like a cat, he leapt onto the window sill.

            “Oi What the…”

            Kev looked back over his shoulder. “Later loser,” he said. But as he was about to jump his foot slipped. “Fuck.” he fell forward into the rose bush. “Ow, fuck, ah,” Thorns ripped his skin, and tore his clothes, petals stuck up his nose. “Achoo,” Kev sneezed.  “Help me, I’m stuck,” he said and then sneezed again.

            He heard a voice behind him.

            “Yes, police please. Yes, I have a toerag in my rose bush.”

            “Don’t call the police. You can have your stuff back,” Kev sniffed, “Ow,” Kev struggled in the bush and felt another thorn dig into him. “Help me,” he sneezed again and tears dripped from his eyes.

            “They’ll be here in five minutes,” the voice said.

            “Aargh,” Kev sniffed, a bee landed on the rose that was close to his nose. He struggled against his trap. “Fuck, ow,” HE heard a rip, he dropped down, so his nose landed in the dirt. He pulled again at the bush and painfully broke free. He sneezed, and staggered to his feet.

            “Fuck you loser,” he said and ran. Okay, he’d lost his rucksack, and dropped the iPad but he still had the phones and his freedo…”

            “What have we here?” Kev looked up and saw a burly policeman in his path, he looked behind, two more police officers stood there. Blood dripped from his cheek onto the pavement. There was no escape.