Thursday 20 February 2014

The Difference between men and women - A Steve Rant



‘Do you know what the main difference is between men and women?’ Steve asked.
Johnny rolled his eyes, here we go again he thought to himself. There must be something deeper to this than just Steve explaining the facts of life.
            ‘Cushions.’ Steve continued without giving his friend time to reply.
Now Johnny maybe not have been expecting Steve to talk about lady lumps and dangly bits, but he sure as hell didn’t expect the answer to be as trivial as cushions.
            ‘Have you ever bought a cushion?’ Steve asked. Johnny didn't even need to think about it, he shook his head. ‘Have any of your male friends ever bought a cushion’ Johnny felt like he was being interrogated by a barrister. Again he shook his head. ‘And when you sit on a sofa or chair with a cushion whats the first thing you do?’
            ‘Um, I usually move it to one side.’  Johnny replied.
            ‘Bingo! I rest my case.’ Steve looked wholly satisfied. ‘Men think cushions are superfluous, a decorative nonsense. But for women theyre an essential part of the décor. Not only that, but when they sit on a sofa they scush up cushions and arrange them to make themselves comfy, or they hug them. Something that adds no added value to a man’s life is an essential to a woman’s. If all the cushions in the world disappeared tomorrow, men probably wouldn’t notice, but for women it would be a disaster.’
Johnny nodded, as usual Steve had a valid point although Johnny wondered why Steve spent so much time worrying about such trivial things.
‘And don’t get me started about hotel rooms.’  Johnny had no intention of getting Steve started but it appeared Steve was a self-starter. ‘There’s always two cushions on the bed, and what’s the first thing you do when you sit on the bed?’
‘Throw them on the floor’ they both said in unison.
‘And then there’s that thing, you know, down the end of the bed, like a cummerbund for the duvet. What the hell is it and what the hell is that for?’
Johnny shook his head, he knew what Steve was talking about but had no idea what they were called or why there were there.’
            ‘And what’s the first thing you do when you go to bed?’ Steve asked.
‘Throw it on the floor’ they both said in unison again.
            ‘Exactly’ said Steve ‘Pointless in the extreme.’
Johnny smiled, partly at Steve but mostly because his glass was empty so he could send Steve off to the bar and get some peace.







           



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