Island of No Return

The nice man from the army office looked resplendent in his uniform. Everything was crisp and starched, his buttons sparkled and the peak of his cap shadowed his eyes. What on earth was this man doing on my doorstep?

‘Mr Edwards?’ He said. ‘I’m afraid I have some bad news. Can I come in?’

Bad news? For me? Why ? I nodded and let the man pass. He didn’t march but he moved with grace, he seemed to instinctively know where the sitting room was, as if he’d been here before.

‘Sit down,’ I said pointing at the settee but he was already half way down. ‘Tea, Coffee?’

The man shook his head as he sat. I sat opposite him wondering what on earth this could be about. I didn’t know any army personnel. This was all too odd.

‘It’s your wife, sir. I’m afraid to tell you, she’d been killed on active service.’

‘You must be mistaken,’ I said calmly, my wife is away on a business trip. She’s no more dead than you are.’ Someone was in for some bad news but I was relieved it was not me.

‘No sir.’ He said solemnly,  ‘I’m afraid Major Leah Edwards was killed this morning on a mission. I can’t tell you any more but I promise we will be able to get the body home to you in the next few days.’

My whole world fell apart in those few seconds. I’d lost the love of my life, twice. Not only was my wife dead but the wife I thought I had didn’t exist. Leah, the quiet girl with green eyes, a kissable neck and a gentle touch was apparently a Major in the army. Apparently the business trips she went on were missions and they put her at danger. And apparently one of those missions had led to her demise. She’d lied to me, conned me, deceived me.

‘Your wife was a hero.’ The army man me said. ‘You should be very proud of her. She died fighting for her country.’ The words were just too surreal to sink in. She was my Leah, the girl who had thrown a pint of beer over my head all those years ago and then put an ice cream in my chest on the first day we got together.  She was soft, gentle and loving wife not a solider, not a liar, not a cheat, not dead.

‘Do you have someone you can call?’ He asked looking impatient to get away.

No, I thought. No I bloody don’t. How on earth can I tell anyone my fake wife is dead.

‘You can go,’ I said with a stunned emotionless voice. ‘I’ll be fine.’ I said convincing no one. But the officer took it as his chance to get away and rose slowly offering a hand to me to shake. My whole body was shaking, but I didn’t shake that hand.