A letter to Heathrow Airport

Dear Heathrow,

I am writing to congratulate you on making your airport in London such a unique British experience. I am not sure how and why you had the idea to combine the airport with a theme park but it certainly was a hit with the travellers who were travelling with me today.  It must be such a thrill for our overseas visitors to be treated to one last example of the customs that have made British great or should I say grate.

How wonderful it was that your system of asking us to use the check in kiosks to print our own luggage labels, even if we’ve checked in online, and then wait for bag drop meant that we got to learn the British art of patiently queuing. It is interactive workshops  like these that really give unique insights into the British way of life.

How pleasing that your staff recreated the industrial unrest of the 1970s with their go-slow policy of taking five minutes to deal with each customer., despite us already being checked in.

How brilliantly you recreated the bureaucracy of the Raj having us repeat the basic task of checking in up to 4 times.

And how exciting it was to witness that age old tradition of shouting at foreigners in the hope that raising your voice will aid comprehension and how nice that this was embellished with a shrug of the shoulders and a muttering of it’s not my problem under the breath, a really nice touch.

You should also be commended on the decision to have actors playing the roles of British travellers, you really couldn’t tell they were actors but their stoicism and stiff upper lip in the face of the pandemonium showed our guests just how well us Brits deal with a crisis.

Meanwhile having the shop and restaurant staff on minimum wage reminded us all of the role slavery played in building our once great Empire, a fitting tribute I thought.

So I am writing to congratulate you, to thank you, and to offer a suggestion. I didn’t see your unique British Experience advertised anywhere. If you are offering such an exclusive and free service, why not proudly tell the world so people will realise just what they are getting.

In the meantime keep up the good work of making terminal 2 such a pleasant experience.

Yours

Gareth Davies

In case you are wondering yes I did send this letter to Heathrow and here is their reply, I am not sure they got the sarcasm, either that or they chose to ignore it. 

Dear Mr Davies, 

Thank you for taking the time to tell us about your recent journey through Terminal 2. 

When a passenger takes the time to let us know that we are getting things right, it really means a lot to us. I will pass your comments on to the team there. 

Thank you again for getting in touch. I hope that you will be just as pleased with the service the next time you travel through Heathrow. 

Yours sincerely,

Ms Siobhán McGourty 
Passenger Communications