Bette Davis Eyes

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This short story is brought to you by the author of Maggie's Milkman and Extraordinary Rendition. 

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‘She’s got Bette Davis eyes,’ Kim Carnes' sexy voice emanated from the radio and my rather less sexy voice sang along with it as I washed the dishes. Ever since I’d first heard the song back in 1981, I’d absolutely loved it. I remember finding the words in Smash Hits and recording the song from the radio and singing along, much like I was doing now.  But it wasn’t really the words or the music that did it for me, Carnes' gravelly tones sent a shiver down the spine of an 11 year old boy who didn’t fully understand what that shiver was. Back then I also didn’t have a clue who Bette Davis was, what she looked like or what was so special about her eyes and, in those pre-internet days I had very little chance to find out. I asked my dad of course, he said she was a black and white film star but he didn’t remember anything that special about her eyes, so I was none the wiser. I did make a decision there and then that I wanted to find a woman with Bette Davis eyes and when I found her I would marry her, after all she’d tease me and unease me, all the better just to please me. But 30 odd years later I was single and despite having some success with women I’d never found a woman with Bette Davis eyes.

As I stood there with soapsuds on my hands listening to the last few bars of the song, I realised I still didn’t know what Bette Davis looked like. I’d always imagined she had beautiful, sultry, seductive, come to bed eyes, the eyes of a cat, but if you’d put a line up of Greta Garbo, Katharine Hepburn, Joan Crawford, Lauren Bacall and Bette Davis in front of me, there is no way I would know who was who; they were just interchangeable black and white film stars. I dried my hands and headed to my computer. I’d find out just what was so special about these famous eyes.

I couldn’t have been more disappointed if my lottery numbers had come up and I found out I’d forgotten to buy the ticket. Bette Davis’s eyes were not sultry and seductive, they were big and needy, they didn’t as much say come to bed as, leave me alone I have a headache. Various photos of her stared out from the screen with a look of disappointment in her eyes like I’d just let down my favourite teacher. They were nice eyes, beautiful in their grumpy way, but not what I’d spent 30 odd years imagining.

I Googled some of the others, Garbo, Hepburn, Crawford, all beautiful women in their Hollywood way, but then I clicked on Lauren Bacall, she was beautiful, seductive, sultry, I realised the song must have been about her, she had what I always imagined were Bette Davis eyes. 

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