Seat-bagging - A Steve Rant

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It was getting towards the end of the evening, last orders was just a few minutes away. Johnny took a slurp of his beer and wondered what was wrong with his friend. A whole evening of beer had nearly passed and not one hare-brained rant. Something must but wrong.

‘I’ve invented a new word,’ Steve said shifting in his seat.

Johnny rolled his eyes, he'd thought too soon; this could only be going in one direction. 

‘Seat-bagging,’ Steve looked proud as punch.

‘And what’s that?’ Johnny had no choice but to take the bait.

‘It’s when idiots put their bags on the seats at the airport gates meaning other passengers can’t sit down.' Steve said, Johnny nodded, he had a point, but hew was sure he'd heard that word before. 

'I’ve got this theory,’ Of course you have, thought Johnny, ‘that airports are actively trying to make the travelling experience less comfortable. I'm sure there are fewer and fewer seats at the gates, I’m not sure why, maybe so they can get plug sockets in or something but there seems to be fewer than before.’

‘Maybe people are more likely to use the shops if they can’t sit down.’ Johnny said. 

Steve nodded, he was a little miffed that he hadn’t thought of that himself; it was good.  

‘Anyway, so there a fewer seats and half the ones that are there are full of bags.’ Steve paused to take a swig of beer. ‘Then when I come along and ask them kindly to remove them so I can sit down, they look at me like I’ve just asked them to sit their granny on the floor. It’s only a bloody bag, what is so precious about these bloody bags that they can be on the floor for a few minutes?’ Steve was on a roll and Johnny felt like he was caught in the avalanche. ‘We as passengers should be sticking together in the face of airport hostility but instead we are turning on each other. Seats are for bums, floors are for bags, it is a simple equation, we all learnt it at school. You know what they should do? They should allocate seating at the gate in the same way as it is allocated on the plane, you know 23C sit there  etc.’ 

‘How would that work?’ Johnny said. All the planes are different sizes. It’s impossible.’ 

‘Well they should do something, It’s not just airports, people do it on trains and on buses too, seat-bagging it is the scourge of modern society.’ 

‘Have you finished? Johnny said. 

Steve nodded, ‘I think so,’ he said catching his breath. 

‘Good now get the bloody beers in, it's almost last orders,.’ Johnny said handing Steve his empty glass.