Col had never been in a hotel room like it, there was only
one word for it, bloody amazing. It was like a pleasure park, so much to
explore, so many things to do. He didn’t know where to start. He looked around
in a state of shock. The bed was so huge four people could sleep comfortably in
it together, the TV was massive, there were tea and coffee making facilities
with packets of biscuits and in the bathroom a huge bath with Jacuzzi sprays
built in. Col was in heaven. He’d been expected a shitty little place like the
B&Bs he’d stayed in during rugby tours not a bloody palace.
He sprung into action. He turned the kettle on and then
ripped open the wrapping on one of the packets of biscuits. He stuffed the
shortbread in his mouth and dived onto the massive bed. He bounced once, twice,
three times before sinking in to the cloud like mattress. He laughed at the
splendour of it and bounced some more. It was like having his very own bouncy
castle. The kettle clicked off, Col jumped up and put a tea bag in the mug
before going to start his bath running. This was amazing. He had 1 hour until
the wedding started and he was going to make the most of the facilities.
Then he saw it.
‘Bloody hell! he said, ‘bloody hell!’ He held his head
trying to keep his brain from exploding, he could not remember being so excited
in his life. Built into the wall in the bathroom, directly above the bathtaps,
was a TV, a bloody TV in the bloody bathroom. This was not real, it surely
couldn’t be, there must be a hidden camera.
Col made his tea and got in the bath, he turned everything
on, Pointless was on the TV and the jets were sending bubbles to places that
tickled. He splashed around like a kid in a bubble bath, while he shouted out wrong
answers to the quiz show on TV. This was just fantastic but soon enough his tea
was gone, Pointless had ended and it was time to get ready for the wedding,
reluctantly he pulled the plug on the bath and stood up. What he saw shocked
him. Somehow the whole bathroom was awash with water, water about an inch deep
flooding the whole floor and seeping into the carpet of the main room. He’d
been having so much fun he hadn’t notice the mess he was making. He threw one
of the spare towels on the floor in the vain hope it would repair the damage,
it didn’t. Oh well he thought, it wasn’t his house, not his floor, what harm
could a little water do.
Col looked good in a suit, okay the shirt felt a bit tight
around his neck but he scrubbed up well. He straightened his tie and headed
downstairs, he had five minutes before the ceremony started.
Col sensed there was something wrong, the bride, his sister,
shouldn’t have been in reception, and she shouldn’t have been crying. Had the
groom got cold feet? Col would bloody rip him limb from limb if the low down
dirty groom had done that to his sister. He’d known he’d do it, he could see it
in the groom’s eyes that he had his doubts. Well Col wouldn’t let him get away
with it. He’d frog march him to the alter and make sure he knew what would bloody
happen if he didn’t bloody say said I do.
‘What’s goin’ on?’ Col boomed.
‘It’s ruined,’ his sister said.
‘Have a look,’ the nasty cow Bronwyn said. She might be
chief bridesmaid but it didn’t mean Col had to like her.
Col opened the door to the function room, there stood the
groom in his scruffy suit, standing on a squelching carpet. There was water
everywhere, all over the seats, seeping into the cake, puddles around the
buffet and watering down the champagne. Col looked up to see the soaking
ceiling and knew that it wasn’t the groom that had destroyed the wedding, it
was him.
' He bounced once, twice, three times before sinking in to the cloud like mattress. He laughed at the splendour of it and bounced some more. It was like having his very own bouncy castle. ...
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