Joe heard the zzzzt as he bent down to pick
up his bag. He winced. He’d known there’d been a small hole in the seat of his
jeans, but it had been small enough to get away with. Now the ripping sound
suggested it had grown just that little bit bigger. But he was running a little
late and his other pair were wet on the horse, so he had no time to check if it
was too big for decency and no back up plan if it was. He’d have to risk it. He
popped his phone into his pocket, grabbed his keys and headed for the door,
crossing his fingers and praying that the hole wouldn’t grow over the course of
the day.
It was a typical Cardiff, April day, the
rain fell steadily from a bright blue sky
as it had done for much of the day. A
rainbow arced over Bute Park and the river hurried towards the sea. Joe scurried
along, dodging in and out of the other fans on their way to the stadium. Kick
off was just twenty minutes away and he wanted to make sure he got a good seat
for the game. Actually he needn’t have worried, although there were plenty of
people around the stadium was still only half full. Joe had one of the best
seats in the house.
It was Judgement Day, two games back to
back in the big stadium. Sixty thousand people enjoying the sunshine, the rugby
and the party. It was one of Joe’s favourite days of the year. Hot dogs, beer,
and rugby in the rainy sunshine, what could be better? The hole in his jeans
was long forgotten. Now it was all about the game. The problem was, those nasty
Ospreys were getting one over on his Blues taking a little gloss off
proceedings. Typical of the bloody west Walians to piss on his chips.
In the interval between the games, the
crowd thinned around him. Obviously the other dejected Blues fans had gone
home, but Joe would get another dog, one more beer and enjoy the second game as
a neutral. The seats in front of him were empty now, so he could spread out. He
put his legs over the seats and sat back enjoying the early evening sun.
“Ouch,” Joe said. Two players had collided on
the pitch and Joe winced. They both lay prone on the field in need of urgent
medical attention. As always happens the cameras started panning round the
ground; the TV company not wanting to put the viewers at home off their dinner.
Joe smiled as he saw the kids waving at the big screen not at the cameras. The
cameras then picked out the group of pretty young things Joe had seen in the
hot dog queue earlier, and then a group of men dressed as women. Then it was
his turn. There he was on the big screen. That was the first time he’d been on
a big screen. He smiled but the smile
soon disappeared as he realised that not only was the hole in his jeans bigger
than he thought, but that he also had a hole in his boxer short. Like a solar
eclipse the two spheres were perfectly aligned and his genitalia were clearly
displayed on the Millennium Stadium big screen.
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