Democracy - A Steve Rant

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“Did you watch Eurovision,” Johnny asked. Only when the words were out of his mouth did he realise his mistake. Steve shifted into his rant mode almost immediately.

“Of course I bloody didn’t,” Steve’s horse seemed slightly higher than usual. “I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than watch that nonsense.”

Johnny smiled. “C’mon, it’s not that bad.”

“It is. In fact, it’s worse. I love how the Brits get so excited about Eurovision. We hate Europe for three hundred and sixty-four days, but suddenly, once a year, we love it. I reckon that the EU should threaten our participation in that if we vote to leave.”

“See, there you go,” Johnny said, although he knew he was poking a bear with a stick. “A positive for Eurovision.”

“And, it is a perfect example of how democracy is screwed.” Steve said apropos of nothing. “Did you see the discrepancy between the jury vote and the popular vote? Poland! An absolute massacre of a song, came third in the public vote, second in Britian. How on earth did that happen?”

“For someone who didn’t watch it, you seem to know an awful lot about it.” Johnny said. Steve ignored him.

“If you ask the people, you get Poland winning the Eurovision, or things like Boaty McBoatface, Jedward doing well on X-Factor and of course the end game of that is Donald Trump.”

Johnny shook his head. He couldn’t believe Steve had got from the Eurovision Song Contest to Donald Trump so quickly.

“But it’s not like a real election, is it?” Johnny argued. “People can vote as many times as they want in this.”

“So it just becomes a competition about who can attract the most gullible fools and fanatics who don’t realise they are paying a pound each time they vote.” Steve took a mouthful of beer.

“It was only fifteen pence,” Johnny corrected him.

“They are still spending their hard earned money on something ridiculous. As soon as you allow people to vote more than once, it descends in to farce. Not just this one, but all talent shows. And,” Steve was on a roll now. “Maybe we should to the EU referendum via a phone vote. That way the fanatics, like Twat McTwatface Nigel Farage can get on speed dial and get their way.”

Steve took a mouthful of beer, but he wasn’t finished. “And I bet the people who voted for Poland in the Eurovision, did it out of a sense of subversiveness. Oh it's so bad it's good. But then you ruin the credibility of the contest. It’s no longer find the best song in Europe, it’s find the best worst song in Europe. People will enter it with bad songs in the hope they get the cheese vote.”

“Finished?” Johnny said, a look of amusement on his face.

“Think so,” Steve looked like he’d just come out of a ranty trance.

“Good, it’s your round,” Johnny handed Steve his empty pint glass and Steve headed to the bar.