Thursday, 3 March 2016

New York Insomnia

It's world book day, make an indie author happy and buy a novel or two. Links at the bottom of the page.


This is a revised version that I performed for Dylan Day at Megaverse at Cardiff Central Library. 15/5/2016
New York hustled and bustled in the way only New York can. Somehow less intense than London, less arrogant than Paris and less maniac than Rome, it did rush hour in a down to earth kind of way. I watched from my seat in the window as people went about their business in and around Grand Central Terminus. My coffee steamed up one patch of glass, my breath another, but in between I could still see the city going to work.
I was working too, sort of. I had a pencil between finger and thumb and on my pad were words and phrases; linguistic snapshots of the unfolding drama of the everyday.
Who am I kidding? It was nothing really. Just verbal diarrhoea, writing for writing’s sake, to give me something to do in these early hours when by rights I should have been sleeping. Grand Central Terminus acted like a magnet to my insomnia; drawing me out of bed and down into its bowels.
“What you writing there, buddy?”
I’d been so absorbed by the streams of people that I hadn’t noticed the man  plonking himself down next to me; an extra large latte giving him a milk moustache.
“Oh nothing really, just jotting down a few thoughts, trying to write a poem.” I said.
“Now there’s an accent. Whereabouts are you from?” He asked, taking another sip of coffee.
“Wales,” I said not holding out much hope that he would know or care where it was.
“Wow!” he looked like I’d just said Venus or Mars, or Atlantis or something. “You’re Welsh, like Dy-lan Thom-mas?”
“I am,” I nodded although it was the first time I’d ever been likened to Dylan.
“And you are writing poetry like him too?”
I nodded although the like him bit was very tenuous.
“Let me see?” He snatched the pad off me and read the words out loud. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t let me.  I blushed profusely.
Central Terminus
Grand, by name and by nature.
Tramps sleep in the loos.

New York sleepless nights.
Sun rises over the east.
eggs sunny side up.

“Haiku, I like it. What’s your name?”
“Thomas Dylan.” I put out my hand.
Now I don’t know why I said this, I guess I was just caught up in the moment or I thought it would be funny or I thought it might make his day.
He nearly had an orgasm there and then in the middle of the café.
“Wow, Thomas Dylan, so pleased to meet you.” his huge hand took mine and shook it with vigour.
“Listen buddy I gotta go to work but we have to meet again?” the man said, were there tears in his eyes? “Where are you staying?”
I told him my hotel but stopped short of giving my room number.
“My name’s Art, short for Arthur, like your king.” It took me a while to realise he was talking mythology. “I’ll give you a call.” he said and shook my hand again.
By the evening I had forgotten all about my morning encounter. I’d been to John’s Pizza, got well fed, drank a few Buds and then wandered home through the weirdly deserted streets. The city that never sleeps was having a quick snooze off 5th Avenue.
When I got to the hotel I saw a big lump of a man and about seven friends standing at the reception desk. Christ he’d brought a posse of Dylan Thomas fans. He must have called, got no luck so come down here for himself.
“Check again,” I heard him say.
“I’m sorry sir there is no Thomas Dylan staying here.”
I pressed the lift button repeatedly. It was on the fifth floor. I tried to hide in the bright lights of the hotel foyer. I stared at the lift willing it to come, four, three two.
Ping. The doors opened.
“You!” I felt a massive paw on my shoulder and turned round. I had some explaining to do.

 For audio click here
New York hustled and bustled in the way only New York can. Somehow less intense than London, less arrogant than Paris and less maniac than Rome, it did rush hour in a down to earth kind of way. I watched from my seat in the window as people went about their business in and around Grand Central Terminal. My coffee steamed up one patch of glass, my breath another, but in between I could still see the city going to work.
I was working too, sort of. I had a pencil between finger and thumb and on my pad were words and phrases; linguistic snapshots of the unfolding drama of the everyday.
Who am I kidding it was nothing really. Just verbal diarrhoea, writing for writing’s sake, to give me something to do in these early hours when by rights I should have been sleeping. Grand Central Terminal acted like a magnet to my insomnia; drawing me out of bed and down into its bowels.
“What you writing there, buddy?”
I’d been so absorbed by the streams of people that I hadn’t noticed the man looking over my shoulder. He plonked himself down next to me; an extra large latte giving him a milk moustache.
“Oh nothing really, just jotting down a few thoughts, trying to write a poem.” I said.
“Now there’s an accent. Whereabouts are you from?” He asked, taking another sip of coffee.
“Wales,” I said not holding out much hope that he would know or care where it was.
“Wow!” he looked like I’d just said Venus or Mars, or Atlantis or something. “You’re Welsh, like Dy-lan Thom-mas?”
“I am,” I nodded although it was the first time I’d ever been likened to Dylan.
“And you are writing poetry like him too?”
I nodded although the like him bit was very tenuous.
‘What’s your name?”
Now I don’t know why I said this, I guess I was just caught up in the moment or I thought it would be funny or I thought it might make his day.
“Thomas Dylan.” I put out my hand.
He nearly had an orgasm there and then in the middle of the café.
“Wow, Thomas Dylan, so pleased to meet you.” his huge hand took mine and shook it with vigour.
“Listen buddy I gotta go to work but we have to meet again?” the man said, were there tears in his eyes?
“My phone isn’t working here,” I said with fake apology.
“Where are you staying?”
I told him my hotel but stopped short of giving my room number.
“My name’s Art, short for Arthur, like your king.” It took me a while to realise he was talking mythology. “I’ll give you a call.” he said and shook my hand again.
He lifted himself off the stool, slapped me on the back and lumbered away. It was quite pleasing that someone was so into one of our national heroes, but I was pretty relieved that I would never see him again.
I wandered back to the hotel, got showered and dressed and headed out for a day exploring the sites.
By the evening I had forgotten all about my morning encounter. I’d been to John’s Pizza, got well fed, drank a few Buds and then wandered home through the weirdly deserted streets. The city that never sleeps was having a quick snooze off 5th Avenue.
When I got to the hotel I saw a big lump of a man and about seven friends standing at the reception desk. Christ he’d brought a posse of Dylan Thomas fans. He must have called, got no luck so come down here for himself.
“Check again,” he said.
“I’m sorry sir there is no Thomas Dylan staying here.”
I pressed the lift button repeatedly. It was on the fifth floor. I tried to hide in the bright lights of the hotel foyer. I stared at the lift willing it to come, four, three two.
Ping. The doors opened.
“You!” I felt a massive paw on my shoulder and turned round. I had some explaining to do.


Wednesday, 2 March 2016

St David's Day - A Steve Rant

For audio click here
For any newcomers to the blog, Steve is a recurring character who likes to rant to his long-suffering friend Johnny about the little things in life. Here is an example.  
“Happy St David’s Day,” Johnny said putting a pint of Guinness down in front of Steve.
Steve took a large gulp of his beer and placed the glass back on the table. “Don’t get me started on that.”
Johnny rolled his eyes. “What’s wrong with St David’s Day?” Johnny asked although he knew he was shooting himself in the foot.
“Well for a start I’m not religious but like everything in this bloody country you can’t have a celebration without religious overtones. I wish they’d just called it Wales’s National Day or something; make it secular. Leave god out of it.”
Johnny shrugged, he’d never thought of it as being a particularly religious day. “Is that it?” he asked.
“No, it’s just well, we’re so hopeless at it. Remember back in school?” Steve got himself started. “Back in school we had half day off for St David’s Day. Made us feel like it was something special but now we’re grown up, it’s just a damp squib. A few people wear a daffodil or a leek and that’s about it. Look at the Irish, they know how to do it. That St Patrick’s Day, that’s a bloody worldwide celebration. People wearing green and drinking this stuff.” Steve took a swig of his Irish stout. “The streets of Cardiff are carnage on the 17th March. Cardiff, mind you, not Dublin or Belfast or New York but Cardiff and Olomouc and Budapest.  But look around you.”
Johnny did as he was told.
“We’re in the centre of the capital city of Wales and you wouldn’t know that it is the national day. This pub is empty, deader than a sixty-nine year old musician. No one out for a drink, no one wearing red. I doubt that people in New York, or Olomouc, or Dublin or Budapest even realised it’s Wales’s national day. We’ve got so much heritage, so much to give; folk tales, poetry, song, food. But instead of celebrating it, we are almost too modest. We hide it behind a bushel. It’s just rubbish.”
“There was a parade in town earlier though.”
“Ha yeah did you see it? Some bloody parade. They didn’t even close the roads. Due to cuts or something. They had to stick to the pavements. For fuck’s sake. Can you imagine that in Dublin? And then how many people where there? A thousand? Hardly worth the effort. We need to stand up and shout about it. Make the 1st of March a proper celebration of all things Welsh.”
“Did you go?” Johnny asked.
“Where?”
“On the parade.”
“No of course I didn’t,” Steve looked almost offended at the suggestion.
“Well there you are then,” Johnny said, “you’re the cause of your own problem. It’s like complaining that people don’t vote and then not voting yourself. Don’t wait for other people to make it a success and then jump on the bandwagon. Get the bloody thing moving yourself.” Johnny sat back, the slightest of smirks on his face.

Steve’s mouth opened but no words came out. The smirk turned into a smile.

Tuesday, 1 March 2016

LadyLlyn

Another of my reworked, modernised traditional Welsh Folk tales. There are many versions of the original, here are three links to take you to an original.

For audio click here

Gwyn flicked through the images on Plenty of Fish with very little enthusiasm. He’d been on this dating site for two months with very little success. A few conversations had led nowhere and the two that led to meetings he’d wished had led nowhere. He was now browsing more out of hope than expectation. It was just the same old faces that had been there when he’d joined. It was as if people didn’t really want to meet anyone, they just liked being on the site.
Then he saw her. LadyLlyn She was the most beautiful woman he had ever set eyes on. Her long blonde hair shimmered in the photograph, her eyes sparkled and her smiled sang. His heart did a quick intro to Ant Music.
But it was hopeless. A lass like her would have so many men chasing her that there was no way Gwyn could hope to stand out, no way at all. It wasn’t even worth bothering sending his wittily composed, generic introductory message.
“What the fuck?” he said to himself and sent it anyway; after all you’ve got to be in to to win it.
To his amazement he got almost an immediate reply.
“With a message so glib, you can not have me?”
What the hell did that mean? He couldn’t think what to say, so decided he’d reply later, but by the time he got back to his phone. LadyLlyn was gone. She’d disabled her account. Some other lucky bastard had probably won her heart.
Three days later she was back. Once again that beautiful face, that lovely hair, those haunting eyes were staring at him from his phone. He decided to compose another message. Glib was wrong, so he went serious. He read it through, decided the tone was right and pressed send.
To his amazement he got almost an immediate reply.
“With a message so grave, you can not have me?”
What the hell did that mean? He wrote another reply but it wouldn’t send; she’d disabled her account already.
Gwyn was distraught. No other woman on the site measured up to LadyLlyn. They didn’t even come close.
It was a week before she reappeared but Gwyn was ready for her; his first message had been too glib, his second one too grave, he had to go for somewhere in between.
To his amazement he got almost an immediate reply.
“With a message so genuine, you can have me? Wanna meet for coffee?”
Gwyn was cock-a-hoop. They exchanged messages and made arrangements. Then came her final message. It arrived just three minutes before they met.
“Beware, if you strike me three careless blows then I shall disappear for ever.”
Gwyn didn’t know what that meant but he didn’t hit anyone let alone women, so he had nothing to fear.
LadyLlyn was even more beautiful in the flesh than she was in her photos. What’s more she insisted on paying for everything. She was perfect. It was the most delightful first date.
As they were walking home through the rain a car sped towards them. Gwyn could see that it was heading straight for a puddle, and they would be sprayed with water.
“Look out!” he said and not wanting to see that beautiful hair damaged by dirty rain water he pushed LadyLlyn out of the way; The water erupted but missed them by millimetres.
“Oh Gwyn, be careful for you have struck me a blow. Two more and I shall disappear for ever.”
“But I was saving you from the puddle,” Gwyn protested.
“No buts my love,” LadyLlyn said.
Gwyn and LadyLlyn were barely out of each other’s sight for the next few months. They did everything together with LadyLlyn still paying. They even went to a rugby match and it was at one such game when the second blow came. They were watching from the safety of the stand when the ball was kicked towards them. Not wanting his lovely LadyLlyn to be falconed, Gwyn reached to catch the ball,  but in doing so knocked LadyLlyn out of the way.
“Oh Gwyn, be careful for you have struck me a blow. One more and I shall disappear for ever.”
“But I was saving you from the ball,” Gwyn protested.
“No buts my love,” LadyLlyn said.
The third and final blow came that very night.
Their lovemaking had always been passionate and tonight they were waking the neighbours and their neighbours’ neighbours. With LadyLlyn on top Gwyn thought he might get a little bit kinky, he lifted his hand and brought it down on LadyLlyn silky backside.
Immediately she stopped.
“Oh Gwyn my love, you have struck me a third and final blow.” LadyLlyn stood up, tied her sweaty hair back with a band, quietly got dressed and then left.
Gwyn couldn’t believe it. It had been part of the fun, just a playful slap.
He waited sure she would come back; sure this was just a game, but she didn’t.  He sent her a text but there was no reply. He tried to call but the line was dead, even her Facebook account was gone. She had disappeared off the face of the earth.

Gwyn spent the rest of his days searching the dating website for his love, but although there were plenty of fish in that lake there was no sign of LadyLlyn.