Wednesday 30 April 2014

Dilimmas Part 2

Part 1 here

Wow
There's something special about middle of the day sex; enjoying the touch of a woman while the rest of the world goes about its daily business adds a touch of magic to proceedings. While phone calls are made and taken, meetings held, shopping done, I was carefully teasing and caressing 
tenderly nuzzling, and playfully kissing soft skin. We were meant to be making babies but it felt like we were making love. Over time I was becoming a master of her body, using hands, lips and tongue as tools of discovery. She’d laid with her head on my chest, letting her breathing settle but now my lover was quietly getting dressed while I lay contemplating life and listening to the world outside. 
I'd said no to Toni, it just felt wrong, too wrong for too many reasons, Marc was my mate and it wasn't like I was their last resort ...and how would I feel seeing their baby wondering if it was mine. But with Leah it was different. I didn't really know Rob from Adam, I never saw them socially so wouldn't even know the child, and Leah was desperate - I could help provide a solution to the trickiest of problems, I'd be doing a good turn. And I dunno, I suppose every man wants to sire a child, this way I'd have the boost to the ego without the responsibility. 
So I'd said yes. And I had no regrets. To be honest I thought it would be clinical, just a case of doing the business. But Leah had different ideas she wanted the baby to come from something special, not something perfunctorily. So she insisted that this would be fun, enjoyable, passionate. who was I to complain?
And that’s how, 6 years later than planned, I'd finally got Leah into bed. I'd got my chance to explore her body and it was every bit as good as I'd imagined. I heard her zip up her boots and opened my eyes, smiling. She smiled back, blew me a kiss and went back to her life, while I stayed in bed listening to the murmurs of the street and breathing in the smell of her perfume she'd left on my pillow. I was already looking forward to the next time, just as after the last time I had been looking forward to this one, but I dindt know then that there would be no next time.
A day before our next liaison I got a text saying she wanted to meet in a cafe rather than in my bed, I guessed it was her ‘time’ but was pleased she still wanted to see me, did she have the same feeling as me that this was becoming more than just a business transaction?
But as soon as I saw her I knew it wasn’t a period that was stopping her from sleeping with me, I could tell she'd achieved her aim.
‘I'm pregnant’ she said with a smile so wide it had its own postcode. ‘Thank you so much, you don't know how happy you've made me and Rob.’
I smiled, I was genuinely pleased for her.
‘We could go back to mine to celebrate,’ I said cheekily and I genuinely thought she would agree. But her face changed, the smile disappeared.
‘No Joseph there's no need, I'm pregnant.’ She repeated somehow sternly yet still beaming.
‘But... What about us?’ I heard me say the words, though I was embarrassed to be saying them.
‘Joseph there is no us, this was about me and Rob remember.’
‘But the sex, the kisses, the ...’
‘I'm sorry if you thought it was more. I told you what I wanted.’

I chided myself, and smiled. ‘Of course, Sorry Leah, Congratulations. I’m happy for you.
She stood up and left, not looking back, walking away happy as Larry but leaving me with a small fissure in my heart.

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