Monday, 7 April 2014


A bit of a red warning for this onecontains scenes of an adult  nature. 

The room was full of lemons, lemons everywhere. More lemons than I could count. I reckoned it was over a hundred maybe closer to five hundred. Who the hell has that many lemons in their bedroom? She came up behind me and touched my neck with her hands, her gentle fingers massaged my shoulders and back over my shirt. I turned around and kissed her, massaging her neck with my fingers as I did so. I was worried that the amount of wine I'd drunk would make me a bit clumsy or render me useless, but my fingers seemed to be doing the trick and the evidence suggested Id be ready for action when called upon. Her kisses were hot and wet, the passion reserved for a stranger; no love, no tenderness just a pure, animalistic lust fuelled by the danger of the unknown and alcohol. My hands explored her body, enjoying its newness. My eyes and ears monitored the effects, learning the best way to play the tune. Her body smelt of pub and Chanel number 5. Her skin was smooth, her curves soft and gentle. I was aware of the moment she gave herself to me, let her mind go, her body relaxed; her eyes hovered - nearly closed, her face flushed. 
Is there anything better in life than the post-coital snooze? Soft, satisfied, sleep. When I woke the birds were already singing. 
‘You should go’ she said in a sleepy, smiley voice. 
‘I know,’ I said, thinking about the plane I had to catch.
I kissed her cheek then got up, splashed some water on my face, pulled on my jeans and let myself out; never finding out why there were so many lemons. 

Well, not for two weeks anyway when she there she was plastered all over the internet. It was a bit of a shock to see her face next to the gory headlines. Black Widow Killer they were calling her. Apparently she picked up men and the murdered them as soon as they’d satisfied her.  The police had found a cellar full of dead bodies and the lemons were there to disguise the smell. So apparently I’d had a lucky escape, but it did pose the question – why hadn’t she killed me too?

If you enjoyed this why not try my novel Maggies Milkman about a Tory voting Milkman in a South Wales Valley town in the 1980s.


  1. I know ...I KNOW !!!!!!! WHY :)
    He didnt ask that annoying, irritating, vexatctious question ......
    " Why are there so many lemons ? "

    1. haha.... true:) a real man doesn't indulge in idle talk... he just acts:)

  2. I bet she has found the Holy Grail:)

  3. yummy:) I love lemons:)

  4. She wanted to try him with oranges too... :-)

  5. Black Widow Killer24 July 2015 at 12:59

    Dear Sir
    I am writing in response to today’s story (24 July 2015). I strongly believe that the above story should be an archive one today as I think it is important to protect women from Jameses like the one you described. I am sure that having presented him in this not very good light today, you will easily understand why I took on the mission to kill similar types of men, and you might even guess why I didn’t kill the protagonist of the above story.
    I am fed up with men who treat women just like sexual objects and I think the fewer of them in the world, the happier women will be. The type of men in question just look at the surface of a woman, they judge her only on the basis of her physique, not taking into consideration her mind or emotions (needless to say they choose only very attractive women, a plain girl, even the smartest one, is not their object of desire). For them a woman is just a candy like you said yourself – you eat it, chew it and spit it out. I had the impression that the man I met that night was different: considerate and caring, not a primitive asshole that would use you and leave you (however, I realize that he might have been pretending but at least he made me feel like a whole human being, not like a rubber doll for sex only).
    As you can see my mission is to make the world James-free and I can promise that James is already dead.
    Hope my motives are clear now.
    Looking forward to hearing from you.
    Yours faithfully
    Black Widow Killer

  6. Petra Goláňová24 July 2015 at 22:27

    "The police had found a cellar full of dead bodies.." You see? The cellar was full, that's why.

  7. Pity you cannot choose lines of the week from archive stories:-)

    1. What line would you choose if you could?

  8. I was worried that the amount of wine I'd drunk would make me a bit clumsy or render me useless, but my fingers seemed to be doing the trick and the evidence suggested I’d be ready for action when called upon.

    You seem not to say much but you move imagination. Erotic scenes are difficult in literature but i like your style :) and what pleasant thoughts on Saturday morning while still in bed :-)