Clapping - a Steve Rant

Steve settled in to his seat and took a swig of his beer, it’d been a hard week and he felt the drink was well-deserved. Johnny also looked tired, the week had taken its toll on him too. Both of them sat in silence for a moment enjoying a moment to themselves.  A television played VH1 silently to the room while over in the corner the man in the hat was back again, smoking hiselectronic cigarette much to Steve’s ire. Steve glanced up at the TV.

‘That annoys me.’ He said shaking Johnny out of his reverie.

‘Yeah me too, why on earth do they put the TV on if they are going to pipe different music into the room, it makes no sense. Are people incapable of surviving for just a few moments without staring at a moving image.’  Johnny said hoping to nip an impending rant in the bud by completing it himself.

‘ No, not the mute TV.’ said Steve circumnavigating Johnny’s attempt to shut him up. “Although you’re right that is pretty annoying. But look closely ,if the sound was up, what would you hear.’

Johnny looked at the screen as instructed, he saw a band he half-recognised playing an unheard song.

‘I suppose I’d hear them singing,’ he said in a tone that suggested he was not entirely sure he got what his mate was getting at.

‘What else?’ Steve said.

Johnny shrugged, now he knew he didn’t know what Steve was talking about.

‘Look at the audience, what are they doing?’

Johnny looked at the TV again. The footage was taken from some old TV show with an audience and despite the TV being on mute he could see the audience were clapping along with the song.

‘They’re clapping,’ he said still none the wiser, ‘what’s the problem with that?’

‘I dunno, It’s just so.. lame.’ said Steve. ‘every bloody chat show, or the like, whenever they have a live band the bloody audience start clapping. Usually off beat, usually too loud, and always inappropriately, it really winds me up.’ Steve was getting passionate.

‘They’re just enjoying it.’ Johnny said.

‘No they are not, and that’s the point! It is not free will, don’t tell me the clapping is spontaneous, if it was, I wouldn’t mind so much, but it is ubiquitous which suggests its manufactured, started by poor some stage hand who holds up a sign. Somewhere, someone has decided that it will make better TV if the audience claps along. Well I tell you my friend, it doesn’t, it makes toe-curling cringeworthy TV.’

‘It’s not that bad Steve.’

‘Okay, it’s not that bad,’ Steve said much to Johnny’s amazement ‘but it is bloody annoying.’ he continued swooping up the glasses and heading to the bar cutting his own rant short.