Tuesday 5 May 2015

Concert Tickets - A Steve rant

For audio click here

‘Hey I’ve got a spare ticket to see the Specials.’ Johnny said apropos of nothing. ‘Fancy coming?’
‘God no!’ Steve said not even asking when it was or how much. He took a mouthful of his beer in a way that suggested that that was the end of that.
‘I thought you liked the Specials,’ Johnny said, not letting it lie.
‘Oh I do,’ said Steve, ‘but you are forgetting that I hate going to concerts.’
‘You bloody misery guts,’ Johnny said, ‘what’s wrong with concerts?’ Johnny slapped his head regretting his questions. Steve shifted in his seat, Johnny had noticed recently that Steve had a ranting posture and he’d just moved into it.
‘Three things,’ Steve said, ‘three things are wrong with concerts.’ Johnny looked at his full pint and wished it was empty.
‘One, I always seem to be standing next to the band’s number one fan, who knows nearly all the words, to nearly all the songs and loves to belt them out at the top of his voice.  Except actually he doesn’t know all the words, he only knows them the split second after the singer has sung them. Who pays to listen to a tone deaf moron, echoing the lead singer? It's a bloody concert, not Karaoke!
Then, when I’ve shuffled away from the superfan I find I don’t recognise any of the songs because the band is pissing around with the them. Again who the hell wants to watch a bass guitarist giving a 12 minute solo or or or the drummer hammering the hide off his drums in the middle of each and every song?  They are charging me a fortune just so they can tit around.’ Steve paused for a mouthful of beer.
‘Well people enjoy that kind of thing,’ said Johnny.
‘Fine, let them, but I don’t, I just wish they’d get on and play more of their songs. But they never seem to get to my favourites.’
‘Of course they don’t, they leave that to the encore.’
‘And there’s reason number three,’ said Steve with a QED look on his face. ‘The bloody encore, in what other job do you do half your work and then leave, only coming back when your egos have been massaged enough?  Can you imagine a paramedic going to an accident, picking up an injured man, getting him half way to hospital and then stopping and waiting for just enough applause before driving the rest of the way? It just wouldn’t happen, so why does it happen at concerts. Just do your bloody jobs you lazy bastards. So no, I hope you enjoy your concert but I won’t be coming with you.’ Steve pushed his chair back and got up to go to the loo.

'Thank fuck for that' Johnny mumbled to himself as he watched his cantankerous friend disappear down the stairs.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Gareth, I wish you a relaxing weekend .
    Tkank you that you keep on writing on this blog.I think you're a master of short stories.I can't wait to read a new one every day and I really enjoy it.
    These are my lines of the week:
    ‘The bloody encore, in what other job do you do half your work and then leave, only coming back when your egos have been massaged enough? Can you imagine a paramedic going to an accident, picking up an injured man, getting him half way to hospital and then stopping and waiting for just enough applause before driving the rest of the way? It just wouldn’t happen, so why does it happen at concerts. Just do your bloody jobs you lazy bastards.

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