I Should Have Taken Billy's Advice

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I was such a naive little boy back then, it's hilarious when you think about. I genuinely believed in no sex before marriage. It wasn’t a religious thing, it was just the way we’d been brought up.  I loved you then in a way I've loved no other since, I worshipped you really, I put you on a pedestal when really I should have taken Billy Bragg’s advice and put you on the pill. How long were we together, 4 / 5 months. Those stressful months in Upper Sixth when having someone to cuddle and smile at helped us through the tedious facts of 19th century European History and Chaucer and Shakespeare. We used to hold hands in class under the table and steal kisses in the common room when we thought no one was looking.

Do you remember us making plans, talking about the house we would have and the garden and the 2 kids called Emily and Daniel. We were only 17 but so grown up; our idea of a fun Saturday was looking at beds in MFI. 17 going on middle-aged.  We talked about our wedding night, that beautiful night when we would take each other’s virginity, consummate our love; indulge in the pleasures of the flesh from the sanctity of marriage. We knew we were different from the rest. We knew that they had discovered sex and revelled in it but we made our vows of chastity and were determined to keep them. How foolish we were with our supercilious conversation about how our immoral schoolmates were living shallow, meaningless lives.

So imagine my surprise on the morning of our English A-Level when you told me you were pregnant. At first I genuinely thought it was a miracle; that an angel had visited you in the night, but the reality began to dawn on me. I shouldn’t have slapped you, I’m sorry for that, I was young, impetuous, upset, I hope you can understand, I promise I’ve never raised a hand to anyone since. I shouldn’t have called you a whore either but when you told me you weren’t sure who the father was I just snapped. I’ve no idea how I passed that damn exam, my eyes were full of tears as I wrote about Macbeth. I almost scratched holes in my answer paper I was leaning so hard with my pen.

And so there you are in my sights once again. The first time I’ve set eyes on you in 20 years. Funny I’ve never been married, never had kids, but I learnt that sex was perfectly acceptable before marriage, even quite enjoyable. So I should be grateful to you really, grateful that you knocked me off the straight and narrow, saved me from a life of middle-aged boredom, but I can never forgive you; unless you’ve felt humiliation like that, you don’t know what it’s like. So after 20 years I have you in my sights, in my crosshairs and with a steady hand, I pull the trigger.

Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that Billy Bragg advises men to shoot women. :-) 
Credit: Corina Craciun deserves a writing credit on this story.