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England Cricket fans might enjoy this one.
Anderson was an old friend of mine. He was as mean as he was
rich. He believed in looking after the pennies and looking after the pounds
too. He called me when things went missing and things often went missing. His
staff thought that old Anderson was so rich, that he wouldn't notice the odd
trinket going AWOL. But nothing stokes the fires for Anderson more than a
thief. He was pretty upset about this golden swan, it didn’t sound like much,
so I guessed it had sentimental value.
I talked to a few of the staff, include the new butler
Farbrace, who was tall and lithe and willowy. He was polite and calm, but there
was one thing I knew about butlers, they were not thieves. They were
professionals and had reputations to protect. The problem with butlers is, it’s
not only their own reputations they protect. They have an omerta when it came
to their staff. They threw a protective arm around their charges and never gave
anything away. I knew if I wanted to get
to the root of the problem, I was going to have to see the cook. They know
everything and are less reticent then butlers. I knew the cook was a formidable
broad, the type who didn't suffer fools gladly. I knew she’d tell me eventually
who was the thief. To get to the cook at this time of night, I had to go round
the back alley and ring the bell. But before I got there I felt the dull thud
of wood across my back. I stumbled forward, losing my balance, putting my hand
out to steady my fall. I rolled over and looked up at my attacker, holding up
my hand to protect me from another blow. But there was no one there. I
staggered to my feet and reached the tradesmen entrance. I managed to reach up and
ring the doorbell just in time before I passed out.
The cook was looking at me as I came round. She had a smirk
on her face and a cup of tea in her hand, she handed it to me. She had a
cricket stump in the other hand.
‘I think something’s stumped you Archer Stanley.’ She said.
‘Or someone.’ I replied to the smiling cook. ‘Does that
belong to Anderson?’
She nodded.
‘So who used it to whack me?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said.
‘Come on, whoever’s been stealing the trinkets, wanted to
take me out of the equation and you know who it is.’
She shrugged again.
‘Okay, answer me this,’ I said. ‘Why is there a new butler? What
happened to Prior?’
“Prior left with Lady Moores sir.’
‘I heard there had a been a split.’
‘Terrible it was,’ she said. ‘What a scandal, Lady Moores caught Anderson in bed with Lady Pietersen, she
walked out and now is suing Anderson for everything he has.’
‘But they weren’t married?’
‘No, but Moores is bitter and Anderson’s lawyers, Stauss and
co, say Moores might win,’ the cook said.
I didn’t know any of this. I sat thinking about it for a
minute.
‘When did the trinkets start disappearing, could it be a friend
of Moores, stealing stuff?’
‘They aren’t trinkets Archer. That golden Swan is worth a
fortune.’
The penny dropped.
‘I think it’s time to see Anderson,’ I said.
I was surprised to see Lady Pietersen sitting with Anderson.
They looked an odd couple.
‘Why are you stealing your own things?’ I said to Anderson.
He stared back at me silently.
‘Admit it,’ I yelled and while you’re at it admit you whacked
me too. My guess is, you stole your stuff to keep it out of Lady Moores' hands.
You get me in to investigate then try to take me out. That way, you can say I
drew a blank.’
‘You’re too clever Archer Stanley, too clever by half, you always know your onions. Now
how much do you want.’
I was never one to refuse a payday, I named my price, made
sure it was in cash and left the big house and it’s sordid affairs behind me.
England Cricket Fans did you spot the ruse, here is the team playing New Zealand Right now
Cook
Lyth (Lithe)
Balance (Balance)
Bell
Root
Buttler (Butler)
Stokes
Ali (Alley)
Wood
Broad
Anderson
Coach Farbrace
Plus of course there is ex coach Moores and former players Prior, Swan, Pietersen, Onions and Strauss.
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