Thursday, 4 February 2016

The Dead Cat - A Steve Rant

For any newcomers to the blog, Steve is a recurring character who likes to rant to his long-suffering friend Johnny about the little things in life. Here is an example. 
For audio click here 
“It’s the end of humanity,” Steve said, and sat back in his seat.
“Trump?” Johnny said.
“ISIS?” Johnny tried.
Steve shook his head. “This!” He handed Johnny his phone.
“Passengers raise £3,000 to erect memorial for bus stop cat” Johnny read the headline.
“That’s the Guardian, that is.” Steve said. “But forget the fact that what should be a serious newspaper is turning into tabloid click bait.” Steve paused while a barman collected glasses from the table. He took a mouthful of beer and then continued.
No, but you’re going to, thought Johnny and he wasn’t wrong.
“What the hell is wrong with people? I mean seriously? A cat memorial? Have no celebrities died this week, so people have to mourn a cat? This is the most ridiculous thing I have read all week. People have lost a sense of perspective.”
“That’s rich coming from you,” Johnny said, watching his friend getting apoplectic over a cat memorial.
“How bloody self-indulgent,” Steve continued, “I mean I like cats, I think they are cute but if I had one I wouldn’t ask other people to pay for its memorial”
Johnny nodded, it was best not to argue with Steve in this mood.
“Imagine if there was a crowd-funding campaign every time a cat died. We wouldn’t be able to move for cat memorials. There’d be little statues and plaques everywhere.”
Johnny smiled.
“And do you not think that maybe, just maybe there are better causes to donate money too. On my walk here I passed about six people sleeping rough; people are dying every day of cancer, of peanut allergies , of motor neurons. But no, people would rather give money to a cat memorial.” Steve paused and took a swig of beer.
“Ah but it says here that they only wanted five hundred pounds and will give any excess money to charity.” Johnny said.
“Oh well beatify them as saints.” Steve replied. “The point is that whoever donated, chose a cat memorial over say, a homeless or a cancer charity. They need to have a long hard look at themselves and ask themselves some very serious questions.”
Of all the rants Johnny had sat through, he couldn’t remember seeing Steve as worked up as he was now. He’d been pretty riled by the tinsel tears a while back, but this had really got his gander up.
“I’ve got a serious question for you.” Johnny said.
“When are you going to shut the fuck up and get me a beer?”

Reluctantly Steve rose from his chair and headed towards the bar.


  1. Petra Goláňová6 February 2016 at 21:27

    I can't agree with Steve , I think brutality against animals is a serious issue. I mean who's gonna be the next victim of these mf..s ?! A helpless child, girl, woman, senior, immigrant or Steve himself ? I guess that's what the people may wanted to say by the memorial, that there's something seriously ill with the society .

    1. Petra Goláňová7 February 2016 at 01:01

      Or did just the government try to avert our attention from their shitty policies ?