Off the hook?

‘She’s so lovely, she has these dark brown eyes, smooth, dark skin and such a pretty smile, but it’s not the looks, it’s everything, she’s perfect. She’s funny, interesting, has fantastic taste in music, I’m telling you she’s the one for me.’

‘Yeah yeah and just three weeks ago Lucy was the one for you and two weeks before that it was Debbie.’

I was sitting in the bar with my long-suffering friend Nick telling him about the latest girl in my life. Despite his cutting remark Nick was right I did fall in love more times than most and each time usually came to nothing.

It was alright for him, he’d been with his lass for years but me I was eternally single. 

‘No mate, this time it’s the real thing, she’s magic, this isn’t some passing fad, this genuine.’

‘Heard it before.’

‘No I mean it, she’s lovely, the way she moves, the way she talks, the things she says, the way she laughs at my jokes, mate I think I'm in love.’

‘So why are you telling me this, why not tell her.’

I sighed a heavy sigh. It was the same old story, I could worship from afar, even worship up close but I never quite had the balls to take it to the next level.

‘She’s so far out of my league it hurts. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated woman what would she see in a spod like me?’

‘Spod?’ Nick laughed ‘Christ I haven’t heard that for ages, who did we used to call that in Uni?’

‘Spod.’

‘Yeah but what was his real name?’

‘I can’t remember. He was just Spod.’

Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned and saw the most perfect face on the planet looking straight at me. I blushed;  if she’d been sitting there the whole time she’d have heard me singing her praises. My face got redder and redder as I realised just how deep I had put my foot in it.

‘Your friend is right.’ she said in her perfect voice.

‘Eh ..I ..what?’ I managed to splutter.

‘Why are you telling him that and not me?’ The laughter in her voice was enough to tell me I was off one hook, the little kiss on my cheek suggested I might be on a completely different one all together.