Friday 3 May 2013

Umbrellas - A Steve Rant






The rain had been falling all day as it only could do in Cardiff, sweeping in from the sea in waves of wetness that could drown the most optimistic of spirits. Relentless, incessant, persistent, unremitting, a thesaurus didn’t have enough words to describe the stubborn downpour that appeared to be set in for the week. Downpour was actually the wrong word, thought Steve to himself as he made his way to the pub, it didn’t come down, it just drifted across, ghosting through people who dared to get in its way.

He walked through the door of the pub to find his mate Johnny already sitting there and a pint ready waiting for him. Johnny smiled at the state of his drenched mate.
‘No umbrella?’
‘Don’t get me started.’
Johnny regretted his words immediately.
‘I bloody hate this town, I bloody hate this weather and I most of all I bloody hate umbrellas.’ He was peeling off his soaking coat as he spoke. ‘Actually it’s not umbrellas I hate it's umbrella owners.’ He took a large gulp of beer.  ‘They are inconsiderate wankers. Look!’ Steve pointed to a spot on his jeans that was somehow even wetter than the rest of him. ‘Some cow on the bus stood over me letting the water drip off her umbrella.’
‘Well you should have stood up for her.’ Johnny offered - knowing he’d be ignored.
‘Then as I'm walking here some idiot upends their brolly and the water sluices down my back. It’s hardly raining outside, this is just the result of that.’ Steve opened his arms wide demonstrate his point.
Johnny smiled, what else could he do?
‘And then finally I’ve been poked by the spokes more times than you can imagine.’ Steve raged but Johhny smiled. ‘It’s no joke.’ Steve added.
‘Very poetic though.’ Johnny couldn’t help but add. 
Steve as always ignored his mate’s attempts at humour and continued. ‘There should be a bloody law against them, or at least people who use them should have to pass a test and carry a license.’
Johnny could see Steve’s tornado was blowing itself out while his own drink was nearly empty, the combination meant the rant would soon be over.
‘You should get done for using a brolly without due care and attention, spot fines I reckon.’
Johnny dangled his empty glass in front of his still damp friend who got the hint and squelched his way over to the bar shaking his head as he went.

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