The Adele Theory - A Steve Rant

‘You know I think I was wrong,’ said Steve and Johnny nearly fainted, they were not words he was used to hearing from his best friend’s mouth. Steve ignored his friend’s shocked expression and continued. ‘Remember I said that that Ronan Keating song was the most misogynistic song in the world?’ Johnny nodded, he vaguely remembered some half-cocked theory Steve had come up with a few months ago.

‘Well I was wrong,’ Steve repeated. ‘It’s this song. He put his finger up pointing at the tune coming from the pub’s speakers. Johnny listen to the strains of Adele filling the bar.

‘Adele?’ He said with a confused look on his face, ‘she’s the most inoffensive singer I can think of.’ He countered.

‘Well that’s where you’re wrong, I  think she’s set the cause of feminism back about 20 years. Listen.’

Johnny listened but couldn’t hear anything but Adele’s soulful voice.

‘You’ll have to enlighten me’ he said in a resigned tone.

‘Well her bloke has just left her and instead of saying hey - sucker I am better off without you, you dickhead, now I’m going to survive alone, I don’t need you or any man, - she is banging on about finding someone like him, as if she can’t live if living is without a man. Well let me tell you if she finds someone like him then the new man is likely to leave her too and she’ll find herself in the same boat all over again. She should be looking for someone completely different. Someone like him obviously doesn’t suit her.’

Johnny thought about it and weighed up the thoughts by rocking his head from side to side. ‘She might be singing, never mind I’ll find someone like you because you are not so special, people like you are two a penny. Don’t flatter yourself that you are so unique.’

‘So that makes it worse,’ said Steve without missing a beat, ‘she should stop looking for simple, two a penny men and start looking for someone special. And anyway she then says she wants nothing but the best for you, bloody hell how meek, she should be singing about how she wants to castrate the bastard.’

Johnny smiled, he had a question the he was going to regret asking. ‘So why does it put back the cause of feminism?’ Damn it was out there.

‘Well she’s encouraging a whole generation of teenage girls to define themselves through men instead of as strong independent women who are equals not dependents.’  Steve paused, but not long enough for Johnny to respond. ‘A whole generation of girls clutching their teddy bears, staring out of the window with longing looks waiting for their men.’

‘I think you are reading too much into it Steve, it’s only a song.’

‘You always say that, but songs influence us.’ Steve had a serious look on his face.

‘And so does beer.’ said Johnny and it’s your round. He signalled to his empty glass.

‘Okay, okay.’ said Steve and reluctantly went to the bar to refresh their pints.