The Surprise

Today’s story needs some explaining. It’s a bit of fun for a Monday.

1. It is one of my song stories where i intertwine the words of a famous song in to a completely different story. I think you will guess the song pretty quickly. 

2. It is based on an apocryphal story that does the rounds. It is my spin on that. 

Enjoy 

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the room to see a strange woman lying on my bed. At first I was afraid, I was petrified, I mean seeing a stranger in your hotel room is pretty freaky, it gives you a bit of a shock, makes your heart beat faster, but I didn’t crumble. I just held my head my head up high and asked her what the hell she was doing there, while my eyes drank in her sheer beauty. She was Russian beautiful, tall, long stockinged legs, slim body, valley cleavage and bottle blonde hair. She was wearing little more than those stockings and a lipsticked smile that said take me, I’m yours. It was a pretty face but there was a sadness behind that smile.

‘I’m here to mend the pieces of your broken heart.’ she said in broken English, it sounded like a line from a song to me.

‘I don’t have a broken heart’ I said.

‘So I am here to satisfy your needs, I’ve got all my love to give and I want to give it all to you.’

‘Um.’ I looked at her wondering what the hell was going on.

‘Andrei sent me.’ She said, further clarifying the situation. Andrei was my host, my colleague, obviously Russian hospitality extended further than the half a pig and bottle of vodka I’d just eaten and drunk. He said he had a surprise for me but I didn’t expect to walk in to find her here with that sad look upon her face.

I must admit I was tempted. I mean I had spent so many nights feeling sorry for myself recently that surely I could treat myself. And she was beautiful, sexy, Russian, somebody new.

It took all the strength I had but I managed to say ‘go, walk out the door.’ She looked downhearted. Like she was about to fall apart, like I’d hurt her with goodbyes.  

‘It’s nothing personal,’ I said, ‘It’s just, well I don’t think it is right, I am saving all my loving for someone who’s loving me.’

So she went, walked out the door, didn’t turn around, she knew when she wasn’t welcome.

Ten minutes later I was sitting on my bed in my boxer shorts, exactly where she had been laying, I could still smell her perfume on my sheets.  Then the door opened.

‘Ah you’re back are you?’ I said thinking that I should have maybe changed the lock and certainly made her leave the key. But it wasn’t the Russian beauty but a Russian Bruiser that came in to my room.

‘What’s wrong with my girls?’ He asked. He looked none to friendly.

‘Nothing.’ I replied, ‘it’s just I can live without them by my side.’

‘You gay, you want men? I can get you man?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘Thank you, but I will survive without women or men.’

And with that he just turned around and walked out the door too.

And what was the song?

Of course it was …