Gauloises

Lulu kissed her husband goodbye and watched as he pushed the pushchair down the hill, holding Holly's hand as he did so. She smiled at the sight of the three of them disappearing, so cute, so lovely, she was so proud of her little family. But enough of that, it was Wednesday evening, French class, her one moment in life where she didn't have to be mum, or wife, or at someone else's beck and call. When she could just be her.  She waited until she was sure Mike was out of sight and looked around to check she didn’t know anyone, then she fished her cigarettes out of her bag and lit one. The smoke filled her lungs and a rush of blood went to her head. The smile spread on her careworn face, her brown eyes glazed over as she let out the smoke. She felt a little giddy as she took her second deep drag, she let her head spin, her mind empty and her body relax.

She smoked exactly one cigarette a week; a Gauloises Blue, something French to get her in the mood for her language class. She’d never smoked before the children were born; she’d had the odd fag but was not a regular smoker, but after the birth of Harry she decided to give herself a little treat. To start with she’d felt guilty, she told Mike everything but he didn’t know about her 1 cigarette. But she soon learnt not to worry, to enjoy the moment she wasn’t doing anything wrong, no one was getting hurt, it wasn’t like she was cheating on him. She didn’t know what she enjoyed more the hit of nicotine or the thrill of doing something naughty, illicit. Maybe it was the fact she was just doing something for herself and by herself that brought her pleasure.  Whatever it was that 4 minutes 12 seconds had easily become the highlight of her week.