Responsibility

It was one of those days, neither one thing or another, the type of day where no matter how you'd got dressed in the morning you'd backed the wrong horse. Those dressed for summer shivered in their shorts while those dressed for winter sweated in their sweaters. Coats draped over arms one minute were absolute necessities the next. I'd gone for the winter look so was hot and bothered as I entered the cafe, but all of that changed when I'd set eyes on her, well specifically her smile.

It was a permasmile, not one of those fake smiles cabin crew wear, but a real, glint in her eye smile that even when she was lightly scolding her children still seemed to lurk on her face. Her dark brown eyes and sculpted eyebrows danced on her face as she seemed to always be suppressing a giggle. She wore her auburn hair up revealing a long, smooth, eminently kissable neck.

I watched her as she drank her coffee and chatted to her a woman who had a weak facsimile of her smile. She looked so at ease with life, so happy, content, I wished I could be so relaxed, so seemingly carefree. The two fair-haired kids were playing at her feet as she told stories. They also seemed to have inherited her smile, her joie de vivre, even if they’d obviously had not got her dark hair and dark skin, her smile was there for everyone to see as they happily entertained themselves. Her hands helped her lips tell her stories, dancing around in front of her face like a clubber throwing some shapes. Her sister was smiling, her kids were smiling, I was smiling, her smile was contagious.
But I'd been staring too long, she looked over at me, for a minute I thought a frown would replace that smile but when she saw me her eyes lit up and she gave a little wave. I walked over and scooped up one of my boys and gave my wife a kiss. it was then I realised why I could never be quite so relaxed, quite so seemingly carefree. Knowing that the world would blame me if she ever lost that smile.