A Lack of Continuity

It was my first day as a continuity announcer on the BBC; it was my dream job. All I had to do was to say things like ‘And now on BBC One, the news read by Huw Edwards,’ I could do that all day long. I was nervous, of course I was nervous, after all my words were going out live to a nation, but I think it was more excitement than nerves.  My first assignment was easy enough.

‘Later on BBC One we go to Scotland for Six Nations Rugby but now it’s time for F.A. Cup Match of the Day Aston Villa Versus Leicester. Here’s Gary.’ Brilliant, a flawless link, I sounded like I’d been doing this for years.

Now I looked at the next line I had to say.

‘Do I have to use this script?’ I said to Geoff the soundman.

‘Yes, why?’

‘Oh you know I don’t really like John Inverdale, he’s a bit of a tosser.’ No one in Wales likes the host of BBC Rugby; he’s smug, smarmy, pro England and did I mention smug, the guy was universally disliked.

‘It’s in his contract,’ the Geoff told me. ‘Anything he’s in, you have to say his name.’ I rolled my eyes, that was just typical of the smug twat.

It was time, I cleared my throat, took a deep breath.

‘Now on BBC One we join John Inverdale in Edinburgh for Scotland versus Wales.’ Again I felt pleased as punch, my voice sounded crisp and clear, I was imagining the housewives at home wondering who this sexy new announcer was.  It was only when I looked up and saw the look on the Geoff’s face did I realise that there might be a problem.

‘What’s wrong?’ I said. ‘Did you forget to flick to transmit?’ I’d been told that forgetting to turn the transmission on was the sound guy’s biggest nightmare.

‘No’ he said, ‘it went out okay, but you are going to wish it iddn’t.’ At that moment the door swung open and my boss poked his head around the door.

‘My office, now.’ He barked. I stood up confused and followed him to his office.

‘You’re fired.’ He said as soon as I’d closed his door. My mouth fell open.

‘We can’t have people fooling around, this is the BBC you know. John is one of our best presenters. He’s a national treasure.  So collect your stuff and leave.’

‘But, but, but why?’

‘You know why? Now go before I call security.’

I scratched my head and stood there completely baffled while my now ex-boss picked up the phone and dialled security.

By the time security had seen me out I had twenty text messages on my phone, most of them saying ‘legend’. I was still completely confused.

Lew’s message elaborated, ‘Legend - going viral already.’ There was a link to YouTube. I clicked.

There was the BBC One ident and there was my voice. I listened back to what I said.

‘‘Now on BBC One we join John Invertwat in Edinburgh for Scotland versus Wales.’

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