A Pointless Endeavour

This story is my tribute to Lesley Gore who died this week. 

I couldn’t believe I was going to be on Pointless, the quiz show where obvious answers mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything. I was going to meet the hosts Richard and Alexander and be in with a chance of winning the jackpot of 3250 pounds. But best of all I was going to spend two day away with Ellie. We’d have to introduce ourselves as friends on the show, but I was hoping that by the end of the trip, I’d finally be able to say we were lovers.

It wasn’t exactly that Ellie had been rejecting my advances, it was just, well that my years, and I mean years, of cunning plans and subtle hints had failed, leaving me with a yearning in my heart that I was determined to do something about. And yes, I know, I know, I should have been more decisive years ago, I know women love grand gestures, not wimpy hints, but she was my best friend and well, I don’t know, somehow I was scared of putting my foot in it so I was always playing the long game. Anyway Pointless was going to be the end game, the grand finale, the climax; this Pointless contestant was finally going to get his girl.

Except, it didn’t quite work out like that. 
One of our fellow contestants was a recently qualified vet from London and as soon as I saw him, I knew he was exactly Ellie’s type. And as soon as he saw Ellie he knew she was his. It was like they were two magnets being pulled together. He said hello and I could feel Ellie’s knees go weak. I smiled and tried to hide my despair as Ellie and Hugo flirted their way through rehearsal. Even Richard Osman suggested they should ‘get a room’ at one stage. This was turning into a nightmare.

It was time for the record. I had to put on my best smile, pretend none of this was happening. I couldn’t look like a sulky teenager on national TV. The floor manager gathered us together but Ellie and Hugo were missing, it was like that song, ‘Nobody knows where my Ellie has gone, but Hugo left the same time. Why was she flirting with him when she’s supposed to be mine?’ The floor manager looked agitated and said something into his headset and then Ellie and Hugo burst forth, her dress looking slightly dishevelled and his trousers slightly bulged.

The music faded away, the lights came on, Alexander Armstrong did his normal introduction and it was time to ‘meet the contestants.’

‘I’m Hugo and this is my friend Bertie and we’re vets from Highgate.’ Ellie blushed as Hugo spoke. The camera panned to me. ‘I’m Archie and this is Ellie and we were friends from Cardiff.’ I said wondering if anyone would notice the past tense or the tear falling down my face.

I didn’t mean to cry, I guess it was just all those years of hope unravelling. It wasn’t her fault. I’d been a spineless fool and was paying the price; the price being crying on national television. But I didn’t care, after all it was my Pointless and I’ll cry if I want to.