The Scriptwriter

‘Well who could have written the script for this Test match,’ said Mikey Holding. The cricket commentator was talking over pictures of celebrating English players who had just snatched victory from the jaws of defeat in a match that had more twists and turns than all the rides at Disney put together.

Well I’ll tell you who could have written it Mikey, it was me - I wrote the script, in fact I write the scripts for many of the major sporting events around the world. You often hear commentators and sports people talk about fairy tales and scriptwriters. I bet you thought it was a lazy cliché but no it’s true, there are scriptwriters (although the ones using the lazy cliché’s don’t know it of course.)

I got involved when I was approached by a shadowy figure about 5 and a bit years ago. He said he’d read some of my stuff and asked if I wanted a job. This was what I had always wanted, a proper writing job but how had he found me, it was all a bit odd. As explained the job to me it quickly became clear he was a bit of a nutter just talking rubbish. How could it be? How could there be scriptwriters for real life live events? I was about to tell him to go forth and multiply but when he handed me a big wad of cash I began to change my mind. He then gave me some instructions, a template and told me to give it a go.

My first effort was the England Wales Six Nation rugby match  February 2008, I decided to make it completely unbelievable, give Wales their first win in England since 1988, pick 14 players from the same club and make it a real nail biter - Wales behind and looking out of it at half-time only to turn on the style in the second half. I sent off the script in November, spent the money on Christmas presents and forgot all about it, this guy had obviously had more money than sense.  But then I watched the game, it was incredible, everything I had scripted came true, right down to the injuries and the amount of added time. It was like the players were puppets and my words were pulling the strings.

Within days the shadowy figure was back asking if I believed him now? I smiled, nodded and asked how the rest of the Six Nations was going to go. He gave me a wink and said he thought I’d be happy at the end of it.

He told me he’d been very happy with my work and wanted to offer me more. The big question for me was how biased could I be, I mean I was Welsh I couldn’t write scripts with Wales losing could I? He told me it didn’t matter, that they’d had an Australian working on the cricket for years and a Englishman doing the rugby in 2003 and anyway I wouldn't get all the games so there'd be a fair balance.

So that’s how I got the job, I did loads after that, the England Australia draw at Cardiff, England losing to Germany at the World Cup in South Africa, the Ryder Cup in Newport and now this Test Match to name just a few. Sadly I didn’t get the Rugby World Cup semi final, that job went to Pierre, but I did get revenge by doing the final.

So next time you settle down to watch your favourite sport, wondering how it will turn out, just remember some of us already know.