Hamburg

Trying to make it as a stand up comedian was tough work, it was a vicious circle. I needed practice so I needed bookings, but they wouldn’t book me unless I could prove I’d done it elsewhere. When I did get the bookings I didn’t get the tone quite right so didn’t get the laughs, which meant fewer bookings but what I needed was more bookings to get my tone right; see vicious, nasty circle. So when I saw the article Jeff posted on Facebook, I decided to cut my losses and head to Singapore for a month.

Singapore was going to be my Hamburg. I’d get the gigs like the Beatles did in Germany. Get the experience and then come back and rock the comedy clubs of Britain. I set off with a feeling of optimism, suitcase half full if you like.

But it didn’t quite work out like that. In fact one could say it was a bit of a disaster.

It took me the first week to find an English language comedy club. I was expecting them to be on every corner but they were few and far between, the local listing magazine had two comedy nights, one on a Tuesday and one a Sunday, hardly hardcore nights of the week. I found the places and begged them to book me, but they were all full. Obviously it wasn’t only me who had come to this supposed Mecca for comedians in the hope of making it big.

I’d just about given up, 31 degrees C and 95% humidity; just walking to the shop was leaving me covered in sweat. I was being held prisoner by the weather. I was on the website trying to change my flight back when my phone rang. This was it, this was my last chance. Laugh at 8 the Tuesday night comedy gig had a last minute cancellation and they wanted me to step in. It was 5.30, I had 2 hours to get ready and go. I could do this.

I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do this at all, I’d been expecting an audience of expats, Brits, Americans, Australians, but what I got was a room of locals who, evidently judging by the other acts, had a vastly different sense of humour to the clever, anecdotal, Stewart Lee impersonation I was doing. I didn’t only die on stage, they cremated me.

Reduced to ashes, I slunk back to my hotel. This trip was meant to make me, not disassemble me and send me home piece by piece. The headline on the article had said that  Singapore was a great place for Stand Ups, but this just wasn’t true. Maybe I should have read the whole article. I searched Jeff’s timeline and found it and immediately noticed my mistake, how had I not seen that before? Only two letters but a world of difference.

The headline said Singapore is a Great Place for Start Ups.