I told you so

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The problem with flying on company expenses is that when you have to pay for your own flights, you suddenly get a bit of a shock - air travel is bloody expensive. I’ve taken 44 flights in the last 12 months, how many have I paid for myself? One. And how many budget airlines have I taken? You guessed it, one.

So there I was, my six-foot frame squeezed into a seat that my two year old was finding uncomfortable, while listening to the ‘bantz’ of the boys behind, me who were treating the cabin crew like they were the girls in the clubs they’d obviously spent most of the weekend in. The worst part would have been packing carefully so our cases adhered to the stringent carry on rules only to be told there were too many bags and my hand luggage would have to be checked in anyway.  But that had just been gazumped by being told that I was not allowed to drink my own bottle of water and being ‘advised’ that I could buy one for the reasonable rate of £3.50 instead.

‘Ten minutes to landing.’ I don’t mind flying but I love those 4 words. Knowing that we’ll soon be back on terra firma gives me a sense of hope. But I couldn't help notice that those ten minutes seemed to be taking rather a long time.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen,’ I loved the way the pilots still dressed and talked like they were still on Emirates, despite the fact they were flying cheap air. ‘Due to a fire at Cardiff Airport we are diverting to Birmingham.’

For some reason the lads behind me cheered. I guessed Birmingham was closer to home than Cardiff for them.But I knew that we would not be allowed off this plane in the Midlands. No, no no, we’d be held on board until Cardiff was fit for incoming aircraft.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen,’ the captain spoke again now we had touched down. ‘We will refuel here and then be back in the air for our 17 minute flight to Cardiff just as soon as we get the all clear.’

The penny began to drop for the stag do. They’d been rowdy but now were getting mardy.

‘I predict a riot,’ I mumbled to Jess next to me.

‘Especially when they charge us for the fuel,’ she said.

‘They wouldn’t do that,’ I smiled.

‘Wouldn’t they? They charged you extra for the baby seatbelt.’

I playfully poked Jess in the ribs. ‘Surely they have to pay us for a delay.’

Jess gave me one of her we’ll see looks.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, we have clearance to take off. But before we do we would like to inform you that in accordance with our policy, the cabin crew will be collecting a 5 pound surcharge from each passenger to cover the cost of the extra fuel. Please have the correct change ready.’

I groaned and Jess gave me one of her I told you so looks.